


Nothing

by sea



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Daddy Issues, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Loss of Powers, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3499823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sea/pseuds/sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian loses his magic and has a hard time coping. Cullen tries to help him as best he can. Unestablished relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DA!KINK MEME PROMPT: dorian loses his magic (not tranquility!!) for whatever reason and cullen helps him deal with not having it anymore. can be permanent or temporary, but I want dorian to be upset and scared about missing this huge part of himself. maybe a lot of his self worth is tied up in his magical ability? maybe it’s like losing a limb and he has to relearn how to do a lot of things? just a lot of dorian struggling to cope and cullen wanting to help him but not knowing what to do.
> 
> +crying!  
> +fighting! dorian lashing out because shouldn’t cullen be happy there’s one less dangerous mage running around??

Nothing. Dorian’s hand hovered over the wick of the candle, willing it to light, but no flame came forth. Once more. He knew that trying once more was futile but he did it nonetheless. He had been at it for hours, nearly crying in frustration. Why did this have to happen? Was this some kind of punishment? What had he done that was so wrong?

Dorian was alone in his quarters, one candle lit the room dimly. Some servant had brought him food and left it when she noticed he was sitting in the dark. The plate remained untouched where she had left it.

_A red templar knight was speeding toward him, sword drawn, ready to cut Dorian down. And he would, one simple slash would cut his robes to pieces and he would be lying dead on the ground. An attempt to cast Winter’s Grasp did nothing to stop the advancing warrior, he shrugged off the chill as though it were a single snowflake. And in a last feeble attempt to save himself, Dorian cast a barrier, while the templar silenced him simultaneously. The magics bounced off of each other causing a burst of white light that threw both Dorian and the templar back to the ground. As the templar stood to move on Dorian again, Cole backstabbed him, seemingly materializing out of thin air, and the templar fell to the dirt. Cole helped Dorian to his feet, but as he dusted off the dirt, he felt strange, a tingling sensation and numbness that made his mouth taste funny._

That was five days ago and, since then, nothing. That damned templar had stripped Dorian of the one thing that made him _him_ , the one thing he valued most about himself, the one thing his _father_ valued most about him. Possibly the only thing that his father valued about him, his magical ability.

Generally silencing lasted only a few minutes, Dorian had never heard of a lasting silence. He had even asked Solas about it, gathering up his pride to inflate the elf’s magical ego even more. Nothing. He said he would do some research in the Fade, but Dorian wasn’t holding his breath.

The Inquisitor never took Dorian with her anymore, not really a point when he had no ability with a sword and he was magically castrated. So Dorian spent his days sulking around the library, reading the same books over and over, hoping that he may have missed something, some obvious answer for why he had lost his magic and more importantly the cure.

—

“Are you feeling all right, Dorian?” Cullen had just stepped into the library. He was on his way to see Leliana, but the way Dorian was pacing back and forth in the alcove, Cullen could not walk on by without checking on him. No one had seen much of him outside of the library. He never came to meals anymore and Cullen had a suspicion that he was barely eating at all, his face looked much thinner these days.

“Yes, _Commander_ , I’m fine. No need to worry yourself. Go about your business.” Dorian shot him a glare. His title sounded like an insult on the mage’s lips.

“Have you eaten today?” Cullen asked, ignoring Dorian’s anger.

“I’m not sure that’s any of your business. Are we friends now?” Dorian was seething. If he had still had his magic he might have set the books on fire.

“I had thought so. I guess I was mistaken.” Cullen’s voice had a hint of sadness. Had Dorian not been so angry, he would have felt guilty. Cullen was a good man and he was only trying to help, but Dorian could only see red and right now all he saw when he looked at Cullen was a _templar_.

—

It was late, very late. Normally, Dorian would be dead asleep, but he was constantly restless since he’d lost his magic. He rarely slept through the night, though this could have been attributed to the fact that he wasn’t eating or even getting any exercise besides the walk to and from his quarters to the library.

Cullen could see the dim light glowing on the second floor of the rotunda. He had been working late in the war room and was taking the most direct path back to his room. Assuming someone had just forgotten to blow out the candle, Cullen headed upstairs to take care of it himself.

“Vishante kaffas!” Dorian growled, throwing the book he had been reading across the alcove. It hit the shelf and landed with a thud on the ground.

“Dorian…” Cullen whispered as he rounded the corner. Dorian looked terrible. The lack of sleep, lack of food, and lack of general wellbeing was taking it’s toll. He looked gaunt, almost sickly, dark bags under his eyes, and his hair was even out of place.

“Can I _help_ you, Commander?” Dorian nearly spat. He was growing increasingly more irritable by the day.

“I just…” Cullen trailed off.

“You just. You just what?” Dorian’s voice was getting louder.

“I just wanted to say that if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where my door is.” Cullen’s voice was soft, tender, caring. “All you need do is ask.”

Dorian’s face was contorted in frustration. Cullen was expecting more yelling, maybe Dorian would even get to his feet and beat on Cullen’s chest, more angry words thrown like knives. Instead, Dorian’s expression broke, his eyes became narrow, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

It didn’t take long before Dorian was sobbing uncontrollably on the ground. At first all Cullen could do was stand there rubbing his neck awkwardly. He was not equipped to handle this, not even remotely sure _how_ to handle this. Dorian was crying so hard, his body was shaking and he was having trouble breathing. 

When he could take it no longer Cullen moved to his side, placing his hand on Dorian’s back, calmly rubbing in slow, small circles. Eventually Cullen moved upward, gently kneading at the knots in Dorian’s neck. It seemed to help because Dorian’s breathing slowly returned to normal. He looked up at Cullen, a confused look, unsure how they had gotten there. Cullen just leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Dorian’s lips.

“Why don’t you try to get some rest?” Cullen brought Dorian to his feet. He walked him back to his room in silence. 

Once the initial shock had dissipated, Dorian had something else to think about, a distraction which he was thankful for.


	2. Chapter 2

The distraction didn’t last long. They didn’t even see each other for an entire week after Cullen kissed him. The beautiful man was a nice thought, but Dorian doubted it would ever turn into anything and that was beside the point, he had more important things to consider. 

Frustration was a constant emotion in Dorian’s day to day now. Tasks that could be so easily completed with magic now took him twice as long to do and in some cases longer. He could no longer just heat the water for his bath with his own hands. Hot water had to be brought to his room if he wanted to bathe. 

How did people even get along without magic? He felt heat rising in his cheeks at the thought. Dorian was so angry he just wanted to scream and he would have if he thought it would put things right again. 

There was a knock at his door. He ignored it, not wanting to see anyone. They knocked again. Dorian continued to ignore them, stewing in his utter rage. A third knock. 

Dorian had to stop himself from throwing something at the door until he heard Cullen’s voice from beyond it. “Dorian, I know you’re in there. Please. Let me in.”

The door hesitantly swung open enough for Dorian to poke his head through. “What do you want now? Come to toy with me some more?”

“Is that what you think?” Cullen asked, hurt evident in his voice. He pushed at the door until Dorian backed off and allowed him entrance. 

“I had assumed you had gotten swept up in the moment, but of course, you had to be thrilled. Now that I’m technically not a mage anymore, that is. One less for you and your templars to worry about! If only this would happen to _all_ of us! ALL OF THEM!” Dorian was yelling now, his face was red, he was breathing hard.

If Dorian had thought Cullen _sounded_ sad, the look in his eyes could only be described as utter devastation. He immediately regretted it, but it was too late. Cullen turned around and quietly left the room. 

—

Dorian was ashamed of himself. Cullen was trying to help. In fact, he was the _only_ one trying to help. No one else had even come to see how he was. They were all avoiding him like the plague. The one person trying to help, the most caring person he knew and Dorian just had to push him away. 

He sighed, lying back on his bed. What more could he do wrong?

Dorian had to make things right. Cullen had made it clear that he wasn't that man anymore, the man that abhorred mages. He was different now and Dorian knew that. 

—

It was nightfall and, though he thought it might be viewed as inappropriate to visit Cullen at this late hour, he didn't want to risk running into anyone. So there he was, knocking on the Commander's door in the dark of night. 

Cullen opened it without hesitation. He was wearing a plain cloth tunic and trousers rather than his armor. 

"Oh, it's you." Cullen was clearly not happy to see Dorian. 

"Yes, it's me. May I come in please? I have a few words to say to you." Dorian said seriously. 

Cullen moved aside and let him in. Even when he had every reason to never speak to Dorian again, he still gave him a chance.

"Listen, Dorian, I really should be getting to bed so if this can wait until morning - “ 

"Cullen." Dorian interrupted him. "I don't even know where to begin begging your forgiveness. I refuse to use what happened as an excuse. I've been acting like a child and there was absolutely no reason for me to speak to you like that. You have to know that I truly don’t believe that you feel that way. If I did, I would not be here now."

For a few agonizing moments Cullen said nothing.

"I...understand." Dorian said quietly before turning to leave, but Cullen grabbed his arm. He pulled him back and pressed a gentle kiss to Dorian's lips. 

"I know that you've been having a difficult time. I wish to help you, but I am not sure how to. That's why I offered to listen. That I can do."

"Losing my magic has affected me in ways I could never have imagined. I didn't realize how much I relied on it, not only for daily life and fighting, but myself. It's a part of me, perhaps the most important part. The only time my father was ever proud of me it was because of my magic. I'm already such a disappointment to my family. I can only imagine what they'll think when they find out I've lost the only thing that makes me worth anything. I am a complete and utter failure. I - “ Dorian's voice caught in his throat and tears began to form in his eyes. 

Cullen moved in closer, pulling Dorian’s body against his own. The fact that this strong, independent man was drowning in such a sense of worthlessness made his heart ache. "You know that's not true, Dorian. The person you are is not defined by your magical abilities." He kissed Dorian's forehead. 

The dam broke and tears fell freely down Dorian’s cheeks. Cullen held him close, shushing him and stroking his hair. Cullen emitted a sense of calm that washed over Dorian. He felt safe, felt as though things could still possibly be all right. 

"What did I do to deserve this?" Dorian asked looking up at Cullen once the tears had stopped. "I've never been particularly kind to you and yet you're putting up with me, comforting me.”

Cullen smiled at that. "I guess I see a different person than you do. I see a kind, caring person, a person that fights hard for what they believe in, drive and determination...and a stunningly handsome smile."

"Truly?" A grin spread across Dorian's face at the compliment. It was the first time Cullen had seen him smile in weeks. He couldn't help but lean in and kiss the man. 

Dorian kissed him back. Shy, light kisses that quickly turned into something more.  He ran his fingers through Cullen's hair, grabbing at the nape of his neck and pulling him forward, deepening the kiss. Cullen ran his tongue along Dorian's bottom lip until he opened his mouth and their tongues entangled.  

Dorian was the one to break the kiss, breathless, his lips swollen. Cullen reached up to run his hand down his cheek, thumbing his sharp jawline. 

"You really are something special," Cullen stated, almost in awe. 

Dorian didn't respond as Cullen continued to caress his face. He looked almost embarrassed. Cullen complimented him with such sincerity, a sincerity he had never heard before. Not someone just trying to get something from him, sex or status. 


End file.
